Does My “Ex” Want Me Back?
I had one of those “my ex-wants me back dreams” the other night. If you have not experienced one of these, I liken it to the dreams where I make a regrettable choice. I have one such dream where, being an ex smoker, I casually light up a cigarette. I feel at first, caught by the surprise of the feeling of satisfaction as I draw in a breath. But this is quickly disrupted by a sense of foreboding and instant remorse. All of the “ex wants me back dreams” are the same. Things seem casual and light, then my dream mind starts reeling knowing I am about to make bad choice.
That all said, this “ex-wants me back” dream was not like that at all. This dream was 
different. I did not have the predictable emotions: like the satisfaction “winning” my ex back or the confusion of making choices I was not given in real life. So, I woke up puzzled. I found that in the dream, I was just simply feeling kind. I had this genuine forgiving heart. Unlike the previous “ex” dreams my dream mind did not jump ahead to what my actions all might mean. My dream mind didn’t retreat into digging up the past to find ammunition, or fuel to fend off making a regrettable decision. My dream mind just observed what was happening, and I just was kind. In the dream my “ex” even questioned the change in me. My dream self told my dream “ex” that it was all because I was eating organic food and sustainably farmed food! My dream mind didn’t think this at all silly.
“Give and you will receive. Your gift will return to
you in full–pressed Down, shaken together to make room for more, running
over, And poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:38
I have been learning about sustainability after watching the popular documentary Food Inc. Simply put, sustainability is the practice of using our resources in a way that assures that they are replenished before being depleted. Hence my recent articles on public commuting. (For more on sustainability see: What is Sustainability ). There are plenty of articles on-line that can tell you more about the benefits of going organic, the horrors of genetically altered foods, and living sustainably (see: benefits of organic & Revered Brian E. Konkol on global implications of sustainability vs. economic growth) . But it is not my intention sell the idea of sustainability).
You see, when I woke up from this dream, I found I was peaceful. I toyed with the idea of sustainability and how it might have something to do with God I realized that when my dream self said that the kindness in me was because of living a sustainably, it was not so bazaar. After all, God is our sustenance….
Over and over in scripture he tells us he is enough, he will provide, for us.
- Ephesians 3:20 …he gives us everything
- 2Peter1:3 …he gives us every spiritual need
- Math 6:25-34 …he provides every physical need
When Jesus talks to the woman at the well he speaks to her of him having the water in which she could drink of and never thirst. He spoke to the apostle of giving life abundantly. The bible has 124 references to abundant life along with words like satiate, exceedingly, in creased measure, and multiply.
In 2 Peter 1:2-3 Peter says: “Do you want more and more of God’s kindness and peace? Then learn to know him better and better. For as you know him better, he will give you, through his great power, everything you need for living a truly good life: he even shares his own glory and his own goodness with us! “ It seems that in my dream the kindness and peace I gave and received was from God’s abundance (not mine).
Occasionally in recovery, and more often in life, I forget just who is my source of all things. I think that I am able to conjure up forgiveness. That I can be kind by my own means. I treat these things like depleting resources or something that I must find. Like a depleting resource I might try to ration or keep portions of what I have. That is I decide who gets how much of what I have to give to who. And in this, I rage a secret battle: Am I enough? Will I be used up? Have I earned what God has to give me? Who is going to forgive me? Who is going to be kind to me? …..
I forget God gifts are free. There is no need to ration what God promises to replensish.
But I am blessed to remember, as the scriptures remind me, that it is from God that I receive all good things. The loving kindness, goodness, mercy, forgiveness and the grace that comes from God does not run out. When my portion sizes are based on me or others for replenishing I am bound to wrestle with having or being enough. But , as the Psalmist wrote, “God is my portion”. His Holy Spirit dwells in me, (His piece or portion)
And that is ENOUGH
In that there is peace!
Dreams About My Ex 2011 by RAMONA TAYLOR is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Posted on October 25, 2011
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